Dear Manners: My husband and I went out to brunch to celebrate the birthdays of three of our single friends. The three of us made plans, and after deciding on the date, time, and location, he invited us.
When the check came, my husband went to collect it. One of the people celebrating the birthday said, “No, we’re all paying.” After a bit of back and forth, everyone paid the bill equally.
However, one of the birthday celebrants was in a bad mood while we were eating together again, as he informed us all later. He said he hated having to pay for his birthday brunch himself. (Since we are older people and have friends who are even older, the truth usually comes out.)
I explained that I didn’t buy him brunch for his birthday. He bought brunch for Celebrant #1, Celebrant #1 bought brunch for Celebrant #2, and Celebrant #2 bought brunch for him. I then explained that my husband and I paid for it ourselves. We can be with them all.
Somehow this made him even more grumpy, so we all dropped the topic. How should I have handled this?
Gentle Reader: Another way to think about it is that your presence had no effect on the breakup. Without you, each of your three single friends would have contributed a third of the total.
But as you probably knew when I explained it, math will never make your friend feel better. Mr. Manners, unimpressed that this friend’s sincerity outweighed his sense of civility and friendship, would have let you say, “I’m sorry to disappoint you.”
(Please send any questions to Miss Manners’ website at www.missmanners.com, by email at dearmissmanners@gmail.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
